Author: Carla Cotropia

I AM BUGGED

Posted by Carla Cotropia on

I must complain. All of us in Houston remember the very small hurricane that hit Houston on the evening of May 16, 2024. The Derecho. So, what happened after it ended at midday on May 17, 2024? Houston became a third-world city, thanks to CenterPoint.

Instead of trimming the trees around power lines, CenterPoint was enjoying its profits and entertaining bigwigs at their private retreat. The result was that, after a small event compared to other hurricanes, citizens went weeks without power.

Enough, Carla. We all remember this. Why are you venting about it now? The reason is that CenterPoint responded with numerous TV commercials, spending who knows how much money. Their latest effort makes my blood boil. One of their self-serving vanity ads starts with, “In case you are wondering what CenterPoint is up to, there is an app that can tell you where we are working.”

What?? I don’t need an app to know what you are doing. Just do it and quit spending money on television commercials. Do they really think these commercials will make Houston citizens believe they are doing what they should have been doing for years? NO.

And speaking of things that bug me, let me now complain about the so-called “love bugs” that are flying around while they are screwing and becoming a major nuisance. As someone not dating (at least for the moment), I don’t need to see bugs—or anyone else doing PDA (public displays of affection). If you are interested, love bugs aren’t really bugs. These annoying things are FLIES.

Their official name is Plecia nearctica. I guess the good news is that they do not bite, sting, or carry diseases. The bad news, beyond the annoyance, is that when they splat onto your windshield or car grille, their acidic bodies can etch or damage your car’s paint. Love bugs are attracted to your car’s exhaust fumes, which mimic the smell of decaying organic matter where they lay their eggs. They are also visually drawn to light-colored or white objects.

Okay, now you know. I feel better after getting this off my chest. I will try to ignore CenterPoint’s attempt to make us like them with their commercials. CenterPoint, save our money, quit paying for these commercials, and instead DO YOUR JOB. And as for the love bugs, they will be gone soon—until next spring. So until then, I will say: THANK GOODNESS.

SELF-CONFIDENCE, DOLLY PARTON STYLE

Posted by Carla Cotropia on

When Dolly Parton first started in the music industry in Nashville, she interacted with rude executives. Dolly said they made snide, demeaning remarks about her looks, but she just smiled.

Dolly didn’t let those rude, hateful comments slow her down or hurt her because she knew those comments didn’t really change anything about who she was. She could smile and laugh, and they could think she was a bubble-headed blonde hick. All the time, she was making great business deals.

Dolly was so savvy that she owned her songs from the very beginning.

She knew people viewed people from the Appalachian Mountains as hillbillies and stupid, and guess what—she didn’t care. Dolly didn’t get mad and didn’t take it personally. She didn’t let it bother her because she knew she had talent and a drive to make her dreams come true, no matter what they said or thought.

What struck me was how she used her power and self-confidence.

If you watch any of the videos showing her interactions with interviewers, it becomes obvious that Dolly was always the one in control of her own power. But she didn’t do it in an angry way. She did it with humor, a smile, and then her infectious giggle.

For example, when she was first starting, she was on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Johnny Carson made a snide remark about her figure and asked her if her boobs were real. She smiled at him and slowly said, “Yes, they are mine. I bought and paid for them.”

VoilĂ .

She was in control, and she made even Johnny Carson look foolish and small. But she did it with a smile and humor.

Later, when a younger interviewer asked her what it was like to age with boob implants, Dolly looked at her quizzically, as if that was the craziest question. She smiled and said, “Implants don’t age.”

That left the interviewer with nothing else to say.

I loved how she used her power. She was self-confident but not a jerk about it. She was self-confident but not arrogant.

She definitely wasn’t a narcissist because narcissists act completely differently. Narcissists want you to know they are right and important. Self-confident people don’t need to prove anything. They know it inside.

When Vogue magazine asked Dolly if it bothered her that people thought her fashion style was “trashy,” Dolly responded that she didn’t let what others thought of her bother her. She knew who she was inside.

That is self-confidence summed up.

She just wore what made her happy.

A narcissist would have taken that question as a personal assault—and it was—and then gone on the warpath to prove they were right. Narcissists don’t have self-confidence. That is why they have to be bullies and try to act important.

The true difference between self-confidence and arrogance is to remember how Dolly handled it. She knew who she was inside. She stayed on that path. She worked hard and never doubted her talent.

And you can do that too.

But don’t say, “You know your truth.”

Everyone is sick of this phrase.

You don’t need to broadcast your feelings by saying, “It is your truth.” Don’t say it. Just know it, and you will come across much better.

Use your self-confidence like Dolly—with humor. You can smile because you know you are talented, no matter what someone else wants you to think.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE AUTHENTIC?

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Maybe the best way to describe being authentic is to use an example, and that example is Dolly Parton.

When Dolly died unexpectedly on Tuesday, August 25, 2026, the outpouring of comments was truly wonderful. She was generous, talented, caring, humble, down-to-earth, and the opposite of a narcissist. She was so caring that she didn’t want her fans and close friends to worry about her health. A narcissist would have made it all about themselves, amplifying the illness to get sympathy and attention. But an authentic person doesn’t need to do that.

Dolly was a trailblazer for women and a powerhouse in a small package. But one commentator who posted about Dolly, her fashion, and his view that she was a fashion icon struck a nerve with me.

WHAT? Excuse me.

Fashion icon.

I remember when people made fun of Dolly and her fashion. They joked about her tendency to always wear flashy, tacky rhinestone outfits. They made jokes about her huge boobs and the fact that she was a caricature.

But here is my point about her being authentic: she remained true to herself.

She once said she liked her big hair, her big boobs, and her heavy dose of makeup because it made her feel good. She didn’t run from it. She acknowledged it. She didn’t care that people made jokes about her. She liked what she liked, and she didn’t let negative comments change who she was.

Dolly was proud of her roots and decided to build an amusement park, Dollywood, in her hometown of Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. She did it even though people told her it was foolish and that no one would go to the Appalachian Mountain area. She stuck to what she wanted to do, and she wanted to honor her hometown folks.

In one of her interviews, she said she was human and that some days she wasn’t in a good mood. And she wouldn’t take guff if people were mean. In fact, when Barbara Walters asked her if people called her a “hillbilly,” she replied with a smile that if they did, she would kick them in the shins.

She didn’t hide from the fact that she grew up poor. Instead, she wrote songs about it.

She was so humble.

She didn’t want her fans to worry about her health, and she downplayed her health problems, saying that “her butterfly wings just got a little tired.” She found solace in her work and philanthropy right up to the last moment.

I was struck by what her nephew said she wanted at the end. She wanted a nice, soft bed with plush sheets so she could rest.

Carrying those rhinestones could get very heavy.

Would I have been intimidated if I had her look—with the wigs, makeup, and big boobs—and would I have changed it all up so I wouldn’t look “ridiculous,” at least “ridiculous” as others defined it?

I don’t know.

But she didn’t.

Because she didn’t, and she just kept working, giving, and putting on a big smile, people came to love her. They saw that Dolly was a true breath of fresh air. A real, authentic person. Someone who was true to herself and, as a result, true to the world.

She was authentic.

Is Luigi Mangione a Narcissist?

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On Friday, August 14, 2026, Luigi Mangione pleaded guilty to federal stalking charges related to the killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson. I found myself wondering: How does an attractive, privileged young man end up pursuing such a heinous crime? Yes, the healthcare system needs reform, and yes, CEOs can make enormous amounts of money. But was this really the course of action that was going to bring about meaningful change?

Part of the problem is the disconnect between capitalism and ethics. Some decisions may make perfect sense from a profit-making perspective but still fail to align with what is ethically right or wrong. But that debate isn’t the purpose of this blog. What I keep wondering about is something else: What in the world was Mangione thinking when he set himself on this course of action?

Mangione has top-tier lawyers, and they have done an impressive job. They have succeeded in getting several charges dismissed and, importantly, getting the death penalty off the table. His defense team was also preparing to pursue a psychiatric defense, including an extreme emotional disturbance claim. But on the day he was required to turn over his medical records, that defense was dropped.

I have no expertise in psychiatry, so what follows is simply my opinion, for whatever it is worth. But to me, this raises the question of narcissism.

A narcissist is often unwilling to admit that anything is wrong with them—or even seriously consider the possibility. I had a former, thank God former, boyfriend who told me he had participated in couples counseling years ago. Yet he refused to even consider doing it with me. Why? I believe he had been told things about his personality that he didn’t want to hear or acknowledge, and he was determined not to hear them again.

And what do I think those things were? That seems abundantly clear to me now. He was a narcissist.

Narcissists are often intensely focused on themselves. In their minds, they don’t need therapy because they don’t believe there is anything to fix. Self-reflection becomes almost impossible because admitting a flaw would challenge the image they have created of themselves.

Mangione reminds me of another narcissist: OceanGate CEO Stockton Rush, who ignored repeated warnings that his Titan submersible was dangerously designed before it imploded during a descent to the Titanic wreck, killing everyone aboard. I have written about Rush before. He was arrogant, and he appeared to possess an extraordinary amount of hubris—the belief that he knew better than everyone else and could somehow overcome the risks that concerned others.

Hubris. What an interesting word.

It means extreme or excessive pride, arrogance, and dangerous overconfidence. Instead of having normal self-esteem, a person consumed by hubris may become so convinced of their own intelligence, power, or superiority that they believe they are invincible. They don’t think they can make mistakes. They don’t believe the normal rules apply to them.

Wow. Doesn’t that sound a little like Mangione?

He was apparently arrogant enough to believe that killing Thompson would somehow make a statement or force change in the healthcare system. And he may also have been arrogant enough to believe he could get away with it.

I’m not suggesting Mangione was “crazy” in the sense of suffering from schizophrenia or another severe psychiatric disorder. I don’t know what his actual diagnosis, if any, might be. I’m suggesting something different: Could extreme self-centeredness, narcissism, and hubris have contributed to his belief that he was justified in doing something so horrific?

Mangione grew up in a privileged family. So how does someone who appears to have had so many advantages become so profoundly derailed?

Psychiatrists don’t have one simple answer for what causes narcissism. It can be associated with family dynamics, childhood experiences, trauma, excessive praise, entitlement, or a combination of factors. Sometimes narcissistic traits can develop when a child grows up believing they are entitled to special treatment. Sometimes they may develop as a response to deeper emotional wounds.

I have no way of knowing what happened in Mangione’s childhood or what caused him to go so far off the tracks. I don’t know what was happening inside his head when he decided to kill Brian Thompson.

But from the outside, his actions raise a troubling question.

Was this narcissism? And if so, was it narcissism combined with such profound hubris that he convinced himself he was entitled to decide who deserved to live or die—and that he could somehow change an entire system through one violent act?

I don’t know the answer.

But that’s the question I can’t seem to get out of my mind.

NARCISSISTIC MANAGEMENT STYLE

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I used to frequent a business—which will remain unnamed—and wondered why the owner allowed workers who weren’t very good at their jobs, including some completely incompetent ones, while never rewarding the competent employees. I couldn’t understand why the owner would do this. I saw the same thing at a law firm, also unnamed, where the managing partner rewarded the partners who didn’t carry their weight while ignoring or even dismissing the hardworking, successful ones.

I couldn’t make sense of this management style. Now I realize I had a blind spot for narcissists—probably because my mother was one. As a child, you develop a blind spot because otherwise, you can’t make any sense of that kind of self-centered person.

This business I know well had an owner who rewarded the lazy and the incompetent. One of those lazy workers was so full of herself she’d come in late, leave early, and still never get called out. In fact, the owner even allowed her an extended maternity leave. When she finally returned to work, she’d often sit in the office and fall asleep. How arrogant—and the good workers had to tolerate it.

Now, the business is on its last legs. Honestly, it’s amazing it lasted as long as it did. The owner, being a narcissist, was good at building an aura around herself. She became a kind of “guru” in the industry, and people went along with it. I have a former friend like that too—a “Pied Piper” type who collects people, always making sure someone else is footing the bill. These types can “get away with it” for a while, but eventually, it’s time to pay the piper. That’s when the “guru” has to face the consequences of their own actions.

The only problem? A narcissist never admits wrongdoing. I’m sure that business, now going downhill, and that law firm, now dwindling, will both find someone else to blame. That’s how narcissists operate. It’s never their fault. They can’t be wrong.

Now I understand that the management styles I witnessed made no logical sense because they weren’t logical. They were driven solely by the self-interest of the narcissistic owner or managing partner. It was always about their best interest—never the group’s, never the business’s. But eventually, the narcissistic manager or owner has to pay the piper. Or, to use another idiom, they’ve made their bed, and the day will come when they’ll have to lie in it.

 

EMPLOYEE FROM HELL

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On a recent trip to a fireplace store, I had an encounter—or should I say, a run-in—with an employee. And no, the employee was not a Gen Z. Gen Zers, in my experience, may be slow to notice you if they’re absorbed in their phones, but they aren’t rude.

This employee was a Boomer.

Boomer Jane became defiant, insisting that my order for a fireplace insert was not scheduled for that day at 1:00 p.m. She seemed almost proud to announce it wasn’t “on the books.”

When I gently explained that someone from the store had called me and confirmed the appointment, she triumphantly repeated that it wasn’t on the books. Then she reminded me that when she called me, I said I wasn’t ready to schedule.

I replied that I wouldn’t have made this up.

She fired back that she had not called me. When the conversation started taking a turn for the worse, I reminded her she wasn’t the only employee in the store. But she kept wanting me to be wrong and herself to be right.

Finally, a coworker stepped in:

“Please reschedule it.”

The other employees rolled their eyes at her, and I got the distinct feeling they did not enjoy working with Ms. Boomer Jane. She probably has no idea how abrasive she is. Or maybe she does — and doesn’t care.

Just as she turned to the computer, she suddenly exclaimed that the appointment was on the calendar for today. Zero remorse. She immediately went back to insisting she hadn’t called me and that when she did, I wasn’t ready. Enough already.

I interrupted her:

“Please — I don’t want to fight about this. Could you take my credit card so I can leave?”

The other employees looked sympathetic. People like Boomer Jane cannot be wrong. They must be right. No matter what.

And after all her negativity, she even tried to flash a fake cheery smile as she handed back my card. I grabbed it and made a hasty exit.

When I got in my car — rattled and discombobulated — I thought, “What a shame. I was in a good mood before I walked in.”

But I wasn’t going to let Boomer Jane steal my vibe.

A few blocks later, I spotted El Bolillo Bakery. I pulled in, dashed inside, and instantly felt calmer surrounded by rows of beautiful Mexican pastries.

I settled on two conchas.

(For the unfamiliar: a concha is a soft, fluffy Mexican sweet bread with a crunchy, cookie-like topping scored to resemble a seashell.)

There is nothing like a little sugar to settle your nerves after an encounter with an energy vampire. In their absolute need to be right, they suck the energy — and the good mood — right out of you.

I hope you don’t have to work with any of them.

 

VERY DEMURE VERY MINDFUL

Posted by Carla Cotropia on

I love hearing about what is trending on TikTok.  (No, I am not on it but have friends that share.)  The latest raging is from Jools Lebron who did a video discussing her make up.  She describes her makeup as “very demure, very mindful”.  Now people are using the phrase in every context including putting gas in their car.  “I am very demure and mindful as I gas my car.”  Silly I know but kind of fun.   

 Jools told CBS News her version of “demure” was a statement of self-awareness and confidence.  In her context it was about not wearing too much makeup for her first day on the job.   

 From my baby boomer context, the word “demure” meant something completely different.  The word demure comes from a French term that means “sober, grave, or serious.”  Another version was meant to describe a woman as quiet and shy, meaning the old version of a “good” woman who is one that stayed within “her lane”.  This context fortunately is gone, gone, gone so the word demure feels out of favor.  When was the last time you heard someone use the word?  And maybe this is part of the appeal of Jool’s TikTok video to the younger crowd because it is a word they haven’t heard.  And what a fun way to use it.   

 Ok you feisty litigators, you can be a tough advocate for your clients but you can be “demure” in your self-confidence?  I know you have it in you.  No jerks or bullies.  Rather a demure strong fighter.  It is a concept that has appeal.